I only dream in infrared

We've all had this one, right? You're applying for the great job or getting a promotion or at the front of the class or buying suppositories at the drug store or something important. All is going well when you realize your in your underwear. Or, better yet, nekkid. Suddenly, you're horribly mortified and it's all you can do to wake up and shudder with peals of mocking laughter ringing in your ears. Ehh, it's a normal dream. But, have you ever just gone with it when you realize you're in the buff in a public place? Try it next time you have this one, just act normal and see if all the characters in your dream world don't also act as if nothing is out of sorts. It's worked for me, but, then again, I dunno if I'm an example worth following or not.

Dreams are weird though. Mine are, anyway. I know I'm weird, but I think that even normal people have weird dreams. Some claim that they're important visions and clues from some other plane of existence. Others say they're nothing more than the tired regurgitations of our brains. And still other people watch Fox News. I'm not here to tell you what to believe, I just think dreams are weird, and kind of cool, even when you don't know what they mean. Like this one where George W. Bush was wearing a pink tutu and skipping down the road towards his own execution and Dick Cheney was being forcibly sodomized by a giant ogre. Wait--that was a daydream. Sorry, my bad.

I have had a few strange dreams involving deceased friends or relatives. This is not so disconcerting as you might think, at least it wasn't for me. These were actually quite enjoyable, as I shared fairly normal, everyday experiences with these people. Nothing seemed amiss, other than the usual strangeness that exists in the subconscious. Even the few times that I remembered the person I was kicking it with had passed on weren't bad. Kind of cool really, with a feeling of peace. Death can change people, in dreams at least. I've gotten drunk and even smoked some reefer with my late father, who was a devout Mormon all his life. And it was all good.

I also find that I dream more vividly on weekends, or anytime I've slept beyond my normal waking time. Or, I remember my dreams better then. Does this happen to you? Do you have strange dreams? Do you dream at all? Do you even care? Are you paying attention? Am I asking too many questions? No one told me there'd be a quiz . . .